To stay the same means to stunt our own growth. To pretend that we are so deeply content with all that is before us, as if we do not cry ourselves to sleep and complain to anyone who will listen, is a crime against our own humanity. And a crime against those who listen.
I mean sure, there is the need for deep gratitude, things could truly be so much worse. Yet there is also the need to acknowledge when certain things are simply not working for us anymore or even when other things are not enjoyable to us any longer. Then we must be ready to accept that it is time for a change.
Take an account of your world. When nothing in your home feels like it gets clean anymore, the people in your life feel draining rather than fulfilling, and the hobbies that use to make you giddy with glee leave a lackluster smirk on your mouth. These are the signs of wanting, no better yet, needing to make a change.
It's okay to say it. Come on say it with me: I need to make a change.
That was not so bad, was it?
So, what should you do when it's clear the world around you is begging for you to change, but change seems too difficult, too out of reach?
Read on, my friends, read on.
1. Write It Down and Get It Out
Not too long ago I was in this same space.
I was feeling like everything around me was gray, bleak, and incapable of satisfying me in the ways that they once did.
Although recognizing the signs of a change-to-come have become second nature to me, change as a concept and an action still feels daunting. So, how do I deal?
I simply grab up a pen, nothing too fancy just something that writes smooth and cleanly. I reach for some paper, again nothing too fancy, a journal or some loose-leaf, college-ruled sheets, or even a notecard I found, and I get to writing.
I write it all down: the fear, the stress, the worry, the FEAR, and I do not stop until I feel lighter.
Writing all of our feelings about change down and getting it all out allows us to recognize our emotions and to validate them, after all change is scary. It is us taking a step into the literal unknown and hoping that where we are headed will be better than what we are already walking through.
Whether you need a new hairstyle, like I did, or a new address, like I have in the past, change is scary. We deserve to have a safe place to express that.
So, when we write those feelings down, we take charge of the safe spaces we deserve, not allowing another voice to criticize or invalidate our real feelings. And in those first steps to changing or accepting that we need to change, that is one of the most important things we can do for ourselves.
2. Be Kind to Yourself, Weirdo
Many of us have heard the saying "be happy with what you have".
Sometimes as helpful as someone may think they are being by using this phrase, using it is a way of invalidating that it is okay to feel certain about being ready for a change.
So, our next step on this journey of accepting the need to change is allowing ourselves and others to be kind to us about our need to change and all that change entails.
In other words, we do not deserve to have to "suck it up and enjoy what we've already got" or to "let it go and accept the people we once chose".
What we do deserve is to be able to recognize when something no longer brings us joy, to acknowledge when certain relationships/partnerships no longer fulfill us, or to have the feeling validated that something "just no longer feels right".
Then with no permission needed we should allow ourselves to plan accordingly on how to bring ourselves back to happier, healthier versions of us.
Often, when the signs of needing a change start to present themselves it becomes easy for us to begin bullying ourselves into feeling bad about desiring change. We convince ourselves that we are ungrateful, mean, bad for being discontented by our current surroundings or lifestyles.
Recognizing the need to change is already harder than it should be. So, roughing ourselves up about it or allowing others to do so simply makes working towards change that much harder. The fact remains the fact: when our feelings are pulling us towards recognizing a need for change that is the only sign we need that a change is needed. Therefore, there is no need to keep kicking ourselves down even further.
When we are going down, the best thing to do is to set our sights on being kind to ourselves because being down puts us in the perfect position to start looking up.
3. Start Now
"Why didn't I do this sooner?" weep weep. "Why did I let this get so bad?" sniffle sniffle. "Maybe, its all my fault I let things get this far between us?" weep weep, sniffle sniffle, blow nose, frustration build.
Stop! Stop it right now!
Look where you are right now. You are on a site, of all the sites you could be on, trying to learn how to accept your need to change. That lets me know that you are the type of person who is simply TRYING to do better for yourself.
Sure, starting that workout plan two months earlier would have made us feel much better by now. But, don't let the misery of wishing you chose something different in the past make you put your plans to get fit on pause complete. Get up and start now.
Yeah, moving is tough, and no one wants to go through the hassle of hustling for boxes, packing them up, and moving them around, but what are your options here? Rot in the hell of your current apartment or move. Get up and start now.
And fine, your relationships are already established and as Boys 2 Men said, "it is really hard to say goodbye". But, don't sit there and let those relationships and situationships you outgrew last any longer. Get up, say goodbye, start now.
Starting now, may seem abrupt but that is just the type of jolt we need to grant ourselves the permission to accept the need for a change.
Making a change when we do not feel ready to, shows us that we are willing to recognize that something is no longer working. When we bring ourselves to uncomfortable spaces where our change is inevitable we learn that we can rely on ourselves to find solutions to any problem we may come up against.
The act of starting now helps us build up trust and confidence in ourselves, which in turn takes a lot of the sting of needing a change out of the equation. Meaning, instead of change feeling like a jarring life or death decision, change will begin to feel like a simple choice between scrambled egg whites or whole eggs for breakfast. Wouldn't that be nice?
We are worthy to feel happiness, joy, and peace.
Even more so when we are doing the work of accepting that a change is needed, we deserve self-acceptance knowing that we are making the correct choice.
Despite what others may think or feel about our desires for change we are doing what is necessary for our alignment to the version of ourselves that we desire to become.
Although some may feel mad about that or situations may make us feel guilty about that, that's not our business to mind.
Instead we should always choose to allow ourselves to feel our emotions fully and genuinely, to give ourselves safe spaces to think about changing, and to start even when we are still scared or unsure of if it is a good time to start.
Accepting that a change is necessary, begins with us. As soon as we realize that a change starts with recognition and ends with a decision, change will be as easy as looking up.
Recognize the need and decide wisely.
See you next Tuesday.