October 15th, 2018, the Classy Bum Cannon was born... the first time. Then a year and a few months later, poof as fast as it had come, it disappeared.
Deleted in the night without a trace. Seriously, without a trace. I wish I had a trace.
Being honest, and oh how I love to be honest, the site disappearing without a trace, is not actually what happened. Unless disappearing meant getting insecure and discouraged about slow growth, crying for 2 months about feeling unsuccessful, and then hitting the "yes button" after Shopify asked, "are you sure you want to close your shop"? Then yeah disappearing would be the perfect word.
The truth is I quit. I quit. It felt so right at the time, I had put so much pressure on myself to make this booming, thriving thing and when it did not rise to my expectations in the given time, I quit. All of this because "more readers, more readers" I was hastily and greedily demanding, like a little confused Smeagol that did not care what happened to its precious.
(All this stuff they tell you about quitting, but I digress, I'll save that for another day.)
In all that disappointment, discouragement, and insecurity I didn't see the good thing I had. I had readers on 6 continents. Yes 6 and best believe if penguins could read it would have been all seven. I was averaging 15-20 readers daily. Definitely not the 150k that some giant blogs get daily, but you know what I was using gorilla advertising tactics (I'll talk about that another time too), and the cherry on top was I wrote some amazing stuff. Remember that article where I talked about all the things I learned from Batman's most well-known villains? Wow, I had a great thing going.
And I could never ever forget that feeling I got. That beautiful feeling of a silent hum of connection blazing and reaching out whether someone read or commented. It was electric. (Boogie Woogie Woogie.)
Well, the past is history, the future is a mystery, and the present is the gift I am giving to myself right now. Although I thought leaving was a good idea, then a horrible one, then a worse than horrible one. I have come to realize, that I have grown up a lot since 2018. So much has happened in the world since then. So, I owe it to myself to accept where I am, who I am now.
When I first wrote, I wanted attention, validation, people to like me, people to care about what I was saying. I needed people to need me.
This time around my only goal is to be as authentic and genuine than I ever was before.
Also, I have a focused goal now and that is to spread my message of being an authentic, genuine person, and to help all of those who are ready to hop on the train and come back home to their true selves.
With that said, I am back and this time I will stay for good. After all, now I truly know that growth takes time, every win is a success no matter how big or how small, and that authenticity to oneself is the key to living a life that one loves living.
Thank you for being here and see you again next Tuesday.
